Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Behind the Veil: An Interview with Sr. Noor Bhuiyan
Written by by Heba Youssef
Imagine stepping outside every day—your body and face in complete concealment from the rest of the world, with only a slit exposing your eyes to see where you are going. A life devoted to the constant worship of God, through extremely modest dressing.
This is the life that twenty-six-year-old Noor B. lives every day. This is the life of a niqaabi (nɪˈkɑːbee), a woman who wears the niqaab or Islamic face veil.
It is lunch time and Noor is on break from the weekend intensive seminar she is taking entitled: Islamic Code of Ethics. The lounge is flooded with young women: some wearing head scarves and jeans, other’s robed with complete face veils. Greetings of Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you) are exchanged as the women eat and eagerly discuss the new information they have acquired from the seminar.
Noor sits with her back facing the exit door. She does not want to take the chance of a man seeing her face when the door opens. She explains that it is generally okay to take off her veil in front of other Muslim women and close male relatives, but in this instance she was in a public area and did not want to take a risk.
Dressed in an all black niqaab and jilbaab (a looser outer garment that covers the entirety of a woman’s body) all I can see are the creases on the corner of her eyes indicating her nervous smile. She does not think she is worthy of being interviewed and apologizes for eating while I conduct the interview. She lifts the black veil, takes a bite of her egg roll and then lets the veil fall back in its place as she finishes chewing. She makes sure to tell me one of her biggest challenges is eating. “It’s so hard!” And with the same process of lifting her veil for each bite, one can only imagine how tedious it can be. Eating is not her only problem though, as she tells me that finding places to purchase her niqaab’s and jilbaab’s are not easy, especially given her petite figure. “I got this one from Saudi Arabia, and I had to hem it like 6-inches! ...And when I shop in the [Islamic] stores in Brooklyn, they are so expensive.” She tells me she likes the black ones because they draw less attention than a brightly colored outfit would.
Noor began wearing the niqaab six months ago when she went to Mecca for ‘Umrah, a pilgrimage that can be performed any time throughout the year. “Seeing all these women in niqaab, I was like, what am I doing?” So she took the next step—completely veiling her face and body. When she came back to her hometown of Brooklyn, NY she received mixed reactions.
It was no surprise to Noor’s mother who is already a niqaabi, but her friends were not as supportive. “I had friends who didn’t understand the super-change I was going through. It was mostly my non Muslim and non practicing Muslim friends who were surprised.” Although she has remained sociable with her friends, she admits these friendships are not the way they used to be.
She explains that the issue of niqaab as an obligation or an option has been the crux of the debate amongst Islamic scholars. “But if you study the Qur’an [Holy Book in Islam] and the Sunnah [the examples/teachings of the Prophet Muhammad], we find that Allah commands the wives of the Prophet to cover themselves.” She tells me the wives of the Prophet were considered the best and purest women of all time, and covering was considered an act of modesty and submission to God’s command. “If this act of veiling was made obligatory for the best women ever created, then it must be fard (obligatory) for us…What would lead me to believe I’m better than them?”
She then begins to recall the moments that led to her decision of veiling. “Another turning point in my life was a [marriage] proposal that I received. The guy wanted to marry a niqaabi woman and my initial reaction was: I am not the one you want.” But after reading up on the issues and reasoning behind the niqaab, something changed, “…and I found this was something that I wanted to do.” She explains it was something of an epiphany, and this feeling of increased faith is what prepared her for a life changing alteration.
We briefly shift into the topic of marriage and she tells me that young Muslims are always eager to marry. “It’s what prevents lusts from turning into immoral acts, like premarital sex…Anything that leads to desire, even too much looking [at the opposite sex] is considered unrighteous and un-Islamic.” This is why the marriage proposal from a man she did not know, did not seem unusual or out of the ordinary. She tells me the criteria for Islamic marriages, is that the aspiring spouse should be very religious. “He knew my dad, and asked for my hand in marriage…and that was it.”
Noor says she disagrees with people who say change is gradual, because for her, change happened almost instantaneously. “I went from wearing the hijaab (Islamic head scarf) with fitted jeans, to wearing the niqaab and big jilbaabs... [Before], I never even studied Islam when I was in hijaab.” And in this short transition period, she recalls the longing she felt to fulfill her duty as a Muslim woman. “Every time I saw a niqaabi I was jealous. I would stare at each and every one of them thinking, why can’t I please Allah (God) the way she pleases Allah?”
Imagine stepping outside every day—your body and face in complete concealment from the rest of the world, with only a slit exposing your eyes to see where you are going. A life devoted to the constant worship of God, through extremely modest dressing.
This is the life that twenty-six-year-old Noor B. lives every day. This is the life of a niqaabi (nɪˈkɑːbee), a woman who wears the niqaab or Islamic face veil.
It is lunch time and Noor is on break from the weekend intensive seminar she is taking entitled: Islamic Code of Ethics. The lounge is flooded with young women: some wearing head scarves and jeans, other’s robed with complete face veils. Greetings of Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you) are exchanged as the women eat and eagerly discuss the new information they have acquired from the seminar.
Noor sits with her back facing the exit door. She does not want to take the chance of a man seeing her face when the door opens. She explains that it is generally okay to take off her veil in front of other Muslim women and close male relatives, but in this instance she was in a public area and did not want to take a risk.
Dressed in an all black niqaab and jilbaab (a looser outer garment that covers the entirety of a woman’s body) all I can see are the creases on the corner of her eyes indicating her nervous smile. She does not think she is worthy of being interviewed and apologizes for eating while I conduct the interview. She lifts the black veil, takes a bite of her egg roll and then lets the veil fall back in its place as she finishes chewing. She makes sure to tell me one of her biggest challenges is eating. “It’s so hard!” And with the same process of lifting her veil for each bite, one can only imagine how tedious it can be. Eating is not her only problem though, as she tells me that finding places to purchase her niqaab’s and jilbaab’s are not easy, especially given her petite figure. “I got this one from Saudi Arabia, and I had to hem it like 6-inches! ...And when I shop in the [Islamic] stores in Brooklyn, they are so expensive.” She tells me she likes the black ones because they draw less attention than a brightly colored outfit would.
Noor began wearing the niqaab six months ago when she went to Mecca for ‘Umrah, a pilgrimage that can be performed any time throughout the year. “Seeing all these women in niqaab, I was like, what am I doing?” So she took the next step—completely veiling her face and body. When she came back to her hometown of Brooklyn, NY she received mixed reactions.
It was no surprise to Noor’s mother who is already a niqaabi, but her friends were not as supportive. “I had friends who didn’t understand the super-change I was going through. It was mostly my non Muslim and non practicing Muslim friends who were surprised.” Although she has remained sociable with her friends, she admits these friendships are not the way they used to be.
She explains that the issue of niqaab as an obligation or an option has been the crux of the debate amongst Islamic scholars. “But if you study the Qur’an [Holy Book in Islam] and the Sunnah [the examples/teachings of the Prophet Muhammad], we find that Allah commands the wives of the Prophet to cover themselves.” She tells me the wives of the Prophet were considered the best and purest women of all time, and covering was considered an act of modesty and submission to God’s command. “If this act of veiling was made obligatory for the best women ever created, then it must be fard (obligatory) for us…What would lead me to believe I’m better than them?”
She then begins to recall the moments that led to her decision of veiling. “Another turning point in my life was a [marriage] proposal that I received. The guy wanted to marry a niqaabi woman and my initial reaction was: I am not the one you want.” But after reading up on the issues and reasoning behind the niqaab, something changed, “…and I found this was something that I wanted to do.” She explains it was something of an epiphany, and this feeling of increased faith is what prepared her for a life changing alteration.
We briefly shift into the topic of marriage and she tells me that young Muslims are always eager to marry. “It’s what prevents lusts from turning into immoral acts, like premarital sex…Anything that leads to desire, even too much looking [at the opposite sex] is considered unrighteous and un-Islamic.” This is why the marriage proposal from a man she did not know, did not seem unusual or out of the ordinary. She tells me the criteria for Islamic marriages, is that the aspiring spouse should be very religious. “He knew my dad, and asked for my hand in marriage…and that was it.”
Noor says she disagrees with people who say change is gradual, because for her, change happened almost instantaneously. “I went from wearing the hijaab (Islamic head scarf) with fitted jeans, to wearing the niqaab and big jilbaabs... [Before], I never even studied Islam when I was in hijaab.” And in this short transition period, she recalls the longing she felt to fulfill her duty as a Muslim woman. “Every time I saw a niqaabi I was jealous. I would stare at each and every one of them thinking, why can’t I please Allah (God) the way she pleases Allah?”
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Stuck
It's been an amazing experience this summer,
And it did helped me mature as a young man.
Experiences can be good, bad, or ugly,
But the important aspect is the lessons you can take from them.
No matter how up and down things can get,
Or how messy the situation became.
Just know that Allah's mercy is around the corner,
And all you have to do is...ask.
Something to be weary of is attachment,
For we should be increasing it with Allah then with anyone or anything else.
So if it's bound to be, then He will say, "Be!" and it shall,
If He wants to happen, then nothing can stop it.
But it's Ramadan, so reap the benefit,
And make sure you're from the 7 who're under the Shade of Allah's throne.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
What is Love?
Love should be controlled by the mind and felt in the heart,
It should flow through your blood and enlighten your soul for a start.
Mutuality is what it should call towards,
And compassion should be its reward.
Love should unite anyone, anytime, anywhere,
For it's something which isn't cruel or wrong, but completely fair.
But beware, and be scared,
For do not be snared by its bright glare.
God has given love to you as a trial,
For it can sometimes be nasty and vile.
The only time it can be negative is when it's not acted upon in a permissible way,
So make sure when you fall in love, you don't follow the traditional high school cliche.
The next time your heart comes upto your throat,
Remember this advice so you don't choke.
Always know, hormones will rise, and affection won't compromise,
and feelings for him or her will not reside.
So now I advise, for you to revise,
Whether that girl or guy, for you would be wise?
Whatever the case, do not be haste,
And ask around so your decision does not go to waste.
If not anything, then upon the last line of this poem you should reflect,
Never let your changing heart conquer your sound intellect.
Traveling for the Sake of Knowledge | Yaser Birjas & Yasir Qadhi | Ilm Summit - Session 1
Traveling for the sake of KnowledgeThe greatest blessing in travelling for knowledge is the travelling itself. This is because in the process, we increase our memory by being focused on our studies, our enthusiams increases for learning knowledge, and we put ourselves in a bubble of like minded individuals who are seeking to better themselves.
If we look back into Islamic history, we'll find that the first person to ever set out on a journey for knowledge was Musa (may Allah's peace be upon him). This is reported in the chapter of "Travelling for Knowledge" in Sahih al-Bukhari.
Once Musa was asked as to who was the most knowledgeable person alive at his time. Being the Prophet of Allah, and having no arrogance, he replied that it was he. On hearing this, Jibril (may Allah's peace be upon him) came to Musa and told him that there was one more person alive who was more knowledgeable then Musa, Khidr. Without any hesitation, Musa began a journey to find a person who was simply more knowledgeable then he!
The whole point is that Musa (may Allah's peace be upon him) abandoned all that he was doing to to simply find someone who possessed more knowledge then he! This was the value of knowledge to a Prophet, how about us?
For those who aren't familiar with the story it is mentioned in the Qur'aan and Hadith. You can click here to read more about it.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I miss you Ilm Summit :(
To describe Ilm Summit in words is simply injustice to the whole experience. But in this concise post, I’ll do my best to put forth a little taste of what I got.
From the introduction session with the shuyookh to the closing banquet, everyone had a new sense of awe in the way they carried themselves in their lives. For myself personally, I didn’t want to leave Houston today. My heart became attached to the shuyookh and students with whom I spent the two most memorable and heartfelt weeks of my life with. As I write this on the plane heading home to New Jersey, I already miss everyone. I miss Sh. Yaser Birjas and his unmatched charisma, teaching, and techniques of giving advice. I miss Sh. Yasir Qadhi and his ability to relate to me on an individual and brotherly basis. I miss Sh. Waleed Basyouni and seeing him constantly happy even though his son is currently sick in the hospital. I miss Ustadh Wisam Sharieff and his enlightening smile, heartfelt experiences, and beneficial tajweed sessions. I miss Sh. Uthman and his beautiful voice. I miss Hamza Noor for the light be brought to Ilm Summit. I miss Farhan Noor and his ability to be anyone's best friend at any time. I miss Alamgir Islam and working with him to better our hifdh. I miss Abdel Rehman Murphy and his unmatched steadfastness in all situations. I miss Adam Sbita for having a chance to benefit from his sincerity in all affaris. I miss Muhammad Mana’ and his unmatched ability in reciting Qur’aan, ahadith, and singing Urdu Naats/nasheeds better than any desi I’ve ever met
. I miss Shakeel and Jameel Shareef and learning from their experiences of living in America since the 1960’s. I miss Ammar Adam, Haytham, and Mahad for helping make Ilm Summit a life changing experience. I miss Manu Basmal and learning of his coming into Islam from Hinduism. I miss Siraaj Muhammad and the beautiful advices which he gave me. I miss the knowledge packed and Iman raising classes we had with our shuyookh. I miss praying Jumu’ah behind Sh. Yasir Qadhi for two consecutive weeks. I miss praying Qiyam al-Layl in the last few nights of Ilm Summit. I miss….I miss….I miss….I miss you all, wallahi.
In the morning, I woke up late and almost missed my flight, so I ended up rushing my packing process and ended up leaving a lot of items behind (Alhamdulillah, my brother stayed at the hotel a few more hours, so he was able to help me out in that regard). I didn’t even bother to pick up my cell phone in that process! When we got into the airport, I started to feel a sudden surge of sadness in my heart. I couldn’t explain it, but while I was walking to the terminal, I started to break down like a baby. Everyone who knows me can say that I’m a very lively and energetic person who usually is very positive, but that personality didn’t fit me today. I finally sat down and cried my eyes out in a manner which I’ve never, ever done in my life. It felt worse than a loved one passing away or a calamity hitting me. I feel like as if a part of my life had been deleted since I left Houston this morning.
Ilm Summit is over, but we must carry the legacy beyond Houston, Texas. Though sadness and grief hits my heart that I’ve left, I remember the incident when a rumor had spread during the Battle of Uhud that the Prophet of Allah (SAW) had been killed. The ummah was in a state of crisis. Abu Bakr (R) rose up at this moment and reminded everyone of the verse, “Muhammad is not but a messenger. Messengers have passed on before him. So if he was to die or be killed, would you turn back on your heels?” This verse should remind us of the sacrifice of the Sahabah and Tabi’een. Would would have happened if they let their sadness and grief overwhelm them? Where would the Ummah be if they hadn’t taught what they were given by the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)? Brothers and sisters, Ilm Summit has ended, but we must keep its legacy alive. Go back to your communities and enlighten the lives of those around you. Show your parents that you know how to treat them. Show the Muslim youth an example to live by. Teach some of the subjects in halaqaat and duroos in your masjid. Teach fiqh al-Siyaam, for Ramadan is around the corner! Teach your younger siblings tajweed after being with Sh. Uthman and Sh. Wisam. Let this knowledge empower those around us!
Lastly, let us remember to constantly seek towards improving our acts of worship. Let’s pray in jama’ah as much as possible and remember Allah (SWT) afterwards. Let’s get up in the middle of the night and pray salatul Tahajjud. Let’s remember to seek forgiveness for ourselves, our families, and our Muslim brothers and sisters. Let’s memorize more Qur’aan and get more active. Let’s make the official standard for Ilm Summit 2010 and the forthcoming AlMaghrib University! I hope to see all of you at the end of the finish line, inshaAllah!
From the introduction session with the shuyookh to the closing banquet, everyone had a new sense of awe in the way they carried themselves in their lives. For myself personally, I didn’t want to leave Houston today. My heart became attached to the shuyookh and students with whom I spent the two most memorable and heartfelt weeks of my life with. As I write this on the plane heading home to New Jersey, I already miss everyone. I miss Sh. Yaser Birjas and his unmatched charisma, teaching, and techniques of giving advice. I miss Sh. Yasir Qadhi and his ability to relate to me on an individual and brotherly basis. I miss Sh. Waleed Basyouni and seeing him constantly happy even though his son is currently sick in the hospital. I miss Ustadh Wisam Sharieff and his enlightening smile, heartfelt experiences, and beneficial tajweed sessions. I miss Sh. Uthman and his beautiful voice. I miss Hamza Noor for the light be brought to Ilm Summit. I miss Farhan Noor and his ability to be anyone's best friend at any time. I miss Alamgir Islam and working with him to better our hifdh. I miss Abdel Rehman Murphy and his unmatched steadfastness in all situations. I miss Adam Sbita for having a chance to benefit from his sincerity in all affaris. I miss Muhammad Mana’ and his unmatched ability in reciting Qur’aan, ahadith, and singing Urdu Naats/nasheeds better than any desi I’ve ever met
. I miss Shakeel and Jameel Shareef and learning from their experiences of living in America since the 1960’s. I miss Ammar Adam, Haytham, and Mahad for helping make Ilm Summit a life changing experience. I miss Manu Basmal and learning of his coming into Islam from Hinduism. I miss Siraaj Muhammad and the beautiful advices which he gave me. I miss the knowledge packed and Iman raising classes we had with our shuyookh. I miss praying Jumu’ah behind Sh. Yasir Qadhi for two consecutive weeks. I miss praying Qiyam al-Layl in the last few nights of Ilm Summit. I miss….I miss….I miss….I miss you all, wallahi.In the morning, I woke up late and almost missed my flight, so I ended up rushing my packing process and ended up leaving a lot of items behind (Alhamdulillah, my brother stayed at the hotel a few more hours, so he was able to help me out in that regard). I didn’t even bother to pick up my cell phone in that process! When we got into the airport, I started to feel a sudden surge of sadness in my heart. I couldn’t explain it, but while I was walking to the terminal, I started to break down like a baby. Everyone who knows me can say that I’m a very lively and energetic person who usually is very positive, but that personality didn’t fit me today. I finally sat down and cried my eyes out in a manner which I’ve never, ever done in my life. It felt worse than a loved one passing away or a calamity hitting me. I feel like as if a part of my life had been deleted since I left Houston this morning.
Ilm Summit is over, but we must carry the legacy beyond Houston, Texas. Though sadness and grief hits my heart that I’ve left, I remember the incident when a rumor had spread during the Battle of Uhud that the Prophet of Allah (SAW) had been killed. The ummah was in a state of crisis. Abu Bakr (R) rose up at this moment and reminded everyone of the verse, “Muhammad is not but a messenger. Messengers have passed on before him. So if he was to die or be killed, would you turn back on your heels?” This verse should remind us of the sacrifice of the Sahabah and Tabi’een. Would would have happened if they let their sadness and grief overwhelm them? Where would the Ummah be if they hadn’t taught what they were given by the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)? Brothers and sisters, Ilm Summit has ended, but we must keep its legacy alive. Go back to your communities and enlighten the lives of those around you. Show your parents that you know how to treat them. Show the Muslim youth an example to live by. Teach some of the subjects in halaqaat and duroos in your masjid. Teach fiqh al-Siyaam, for Ramadan is around the corner! Teach your younger siblings tajweed after being with Sh. Uthman and Sh. Wisam. Let this knowledge empower those around us!
Lastly, let us remember to constantly seek towards improving our acts of worship. Let’s pray in jama’ah as much as possible and remember Allah (SWT) afterwards. Let’s get up in the middle of the night and pray salatul Tahajjud. Let’s remember to seek forgiveness for ourselves, our families, and our Muslim brothers and sisters. Let’s memorize more Qur’aan and get more active. Let’s make the official standard for Ilm Summit 2010 and the forthcoming AlMaghrib University! I hope to see all of you at the end of the finish line, inshaAllah!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Carry Me in Your Arms...
Carry Me in Your Arms….
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
www.suhaibwebb.com
Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: ‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.’
When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ‘you are not a man!’
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn’t love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne so dearly.
Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Mary Anne, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Mary Anne, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.
Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.
Allah says in the Qur’an:’Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.’ (Qur’an 4:34)
Allah says in the Qur’an:’And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise.’ (Qur’an 9:71)
Prophet[p.b. u.h] said, ‘The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.’
www.suhaibwebb.com
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
www.suhaibwebb.com
Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: ‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.’
When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ‘you are not a man!’
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn’t love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne so dearly.
Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Mary Anne, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Mary Anne, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.
Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.
Allah says in the Qur’an:’Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.’ (Qur’an 4:34)
Allah says in the Qur’an:’And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise.’ (Qur’an 9:71)
Prophet[p.b. u.h] said, ‘The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.’
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